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Avalanche Opening Night.

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Well gentleman, we’ve all been here. The most beautiful girl in school; the one you have always had a crush on. You’ve practised your speech in the mirror a thousand times, dressed in freshly ironed clothes and are wearing your finest cologne. Your stomach is filled with butterflies, your heart is racing a mile a minute - today is the day you are going to ask her out. The setting is perfect, she’s alone in the hallway and the sun is shining through the window reflecting off of her colourful braces. You open your mouth only to hear “burghatletjthaseven”. What was that? Did you just say that? That wasn’t what we practised…you walk away as fast as possible to avoid embarrassment. You’ve spent weeks planning this perfect moment – what went so wrong?

That pubescent boy was the Colorado Avalanche on opening night. This wasn’t how they planned it; this wasn’t what they worked on; this wasn’t the moment they waited all summer for but most importantly, this wasn’t the worst thing in the world.

Aside from, dare I say it, decent goaltending, this wasn’t your 2014-2015 Colorado Avalanche. This was a team that was lost. On ice positioning was horrific; players were out of position and bumping into each other. The power play was anemic. Passing was awful and the break out was struggling. You would be hard pressed to find two solid aspects of this game. You could rip apart this team from top to bottom. You could say that almost everybody had an awful game. Although embarrassing, there are 29 teams in the NHL that haven’t yet played their worst game – guess what, Colorado just did and now it is out of the way. From this point forward it can’t get worse. You just embarrassed yourself but have now given yourself enough time left in the season to figure out what went so wrong. Coach Roy isn’t going to sit idle. There will be tapes to review, players to question but most importantly, there will be a lot of education coming from this drubbing.

A loss is a loss, but this one was a flat out awful game. The Avalanche came out uninspired, they came out confused and they came out lost. Passing was horrific, break out was terrible. The Minnesota Wild looked like the Harlem Globetrotters - perfect passing, dizzying zone play, lots of energy in front of the home crowd. This was their game from the first second, to the final buzzer. The Avalanche controlled zero per cent of the play. Literally, zero. Final shots were 48 to 16 for the Wild.

As you sit and hang your head in embarrassment, ashamed that you blew your one and only chance with the girl you love, your cell phone dings. You’ve received a text message…it is from her…it says, “Saturday, you and me, pick me up at 9”

This is your chance to redeem yourself. Wild @ Avalanche. Saturday, October 11th. 9 PM Eastern.
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  1. Happy Gilmore's Avatar
    NICE job Chadster, looks like i have some friendly writing competition. (God you suck)

    Hopefully, on sat night, it won't be “burghatletjthaseven” part 2.

  2. cl525's Avatar
    burghatletjthaseven is usually what it sounds like when I talk to people in real life.

    I've always wanted to write after games and I figured, although I may not be able to do it every day, we have a pretty cool feature that gives us the opportunity to do so, so I might as well give it a shot!

    If you read, you read, if you don't, you don't. I'm happy trying either way.